Ruby Vesely and I recently delivered a keynote presentation to a group of technology leaders, our focus was on how we cultivate trust especially when we are working in a hybrid team. It was a powerful conversation. We had been discussing the themes in our new book You, Me, We. Why we all need a friend at work (and how to show up as one!) and the ‘Four Yeses’, four critical questions that underpin every interaction, social and professional.
The four questions are
Can I count on you?
Can I depend on you?
Do I care about you?
Do I trust you?
These four questions are fundamental to developing what we describe as Ally Relationships and it’s the fourth question, “Do I trust you?” that is the most critical question of all. It’s the foundation that underpins every single professional relationship. Whether it’s the boss-employee relationship, peer-to-peer relationships, customer-to-business relationship or employee-boss relationship. Without it you will struggle to develop an Ally Relationship, and struggle to deliver the results expected of you.
During the Q&A conversation that followed the keynote one of the leaders asked us
“How long does it take to build trust and be a ‘yes’ to question #4?”
A great question, unfortunately there is no formula that guarantees that after x days, y minutes, z seconds you will have a trust-based relationship. Trust is something that is both given and earned.
However, we all know when our trust account is in the red and overdrawn. One of the first symptoms is when we inwardly roll our eyes when the other person speaks in a meeting, or when we complain to the dog or our significant other “You won’t believe what happened at work today! What [insert name] said or did!”
“You won’t believe what happened at work today! What [insert name] said or did!”
When trust is broken performance suffers. Toxic behaviors infect the team, backstabbing, fear of making mistakes cause otherwise smart individuals to hesitate in taking action, candor and debate become stifled and as a result creativity and innovation suffers.
When it’s high we see teams that exceed expectations, where healthy competition is rife, team members look forward to coming to work, look for ways to improve processes and systems, anticipate needs and share warnings of potential disaster so that course corrections can be made. As a result engagement is high.
What does trust look and feel like?
At work we are perceived as someone who can be trusted based on our words and actions. The challenge with trust is that it while it can take time earn, it can be lost in an instant.
You know YOU ARE TRUSTED when others:
Share their concerns, and ask for your coaching and support.
Talk about the success of the team with you and others outside of the team.
Celebrate the team’s success and acknowledge individual contributions.
Identify mistakes and don’t try to hide them because they’re treated as learning opportunities, not as opportunities to punish.
Provide feedback that’s two-way and balances ‘do more’ with ‘do differently’. No soft-soaping!
Bring warnings of impending disaster, and then discuss them to identify potential solutions or an alternative course of action.
Demonstrate accountability – for their own actions, and in holding others accountable to their commitments. Others don’t drop the ball or make excuses.
They’re allies and have your back on the good days and especially tough days.
You know YOU TRUST OTHERS when you:
Don’t feel the need to ‘check up on progress’. When a commitment is made the other person will follow through.
Know you only have to pick up the phone and ask to have others rally around to help you achieve a tough deadline.
Provide feedback that others need to hear, and not just what they want to hear.
Listen to feedback from others that you need to hear, but may not want to hear.
Encourage candor and debate in your meetings, and have the right conversations at the right level, with the right people, and are not caught in the weeds and minutia.
Are able to work things out when they don’t go to plan. No drama, no retribution.
Are open with your hopes and fears, and don’t need to wear a mask at work.
When you choose to be an Ally and have your colleagues’ backs at all times.
What would you add to the list? What does trust look and feel like to you?
Trust start with you
A final thought, as you seek to build trust, to help others to trust you, have you considered that building trust isn’t about the other person. Building trust starts with you. Are you willing to give trust?
MB